The Distance is Long

Monday, December 21, 2015

Missing. Longing.
Hard to predict.
Risky. Dreading. Trust in need.

The distance is long, after all.
 When you're in love with someone. When you care about him, but he is not there for you to show he cares. When you're having a bad day, and he is trying to comfort you, by sending emoticons and virtual hugs. You really hate it that a physical hug costs million miles of distance. And then you will get to a point where you're frustrated. Too frustrated that you don't want to talk to him. And then you get angry with no reasons. And so does he.

The feelings and emotions involved in this story is a lot. It is as if in order to deliver my love to you is not by plane nor text messages. But instead, by these feelings. It's not easy to handle sometimes, so I'd rather pour this into this digital paper of blogging. I decided to rant here, rather than adding my occasional-to-frequent rants to you over Facetime, which must be so annoying (Though I know you always listen).

22 December 2014
 1:15 AM
London-Chicago over Skype 
When it all starts. Scared? Yes. Happy? Of course. We're starting a long distance relationship.

11 January 2015
Flying back from London to Jakarta
On the plane, I was trying to sleep. But each time I close my eyes, I'll soon imagine talking to you. Then I tried to move positions, struggling to get the best position to sleep well. I really wished you were here. You don't have to stay awake till I'm asleep. You can just sleep and dream sweet, and I'll just lay my head on your shoulder, I know your shoulder would make the best pillow. And let my arms tie a knot to yours, making me feel safe.
The thought makes me smile. Till I remember that I'm meeting you in like.. 11 months?

1 Mar 2015
10:20 PM
First day in Melbourne for the year
It was my first day of moving in to the new place, so many stuffs, so little room. It was all very messy, and I refused to sleep as my mind won't be at peace if everything's not tidied up yet. 

12 Mar 2015
5:34 PM
Supposed to be my first day of internship, but I had a vertigo.
Last night you kept telling me to stop playing on my phone. But I rebelled, as always. Then you went to your morning class, and I fell asleep. And of course, lacking of sleep, vertigo hit. 
And I'm trying so hard to work on this business plan assignment. Cannot focus at all, this is too hard. Then I imagine, it'd be so much better if you're here. So now while you're sleeping, I'm trying to find your replacement: A bag of popcorn and playing the whole Us The Duo album you gave me. 
You might not realise it, but at this point there's this something of yours that makes me feel like home.
(Oh by the way, the album's title is: No Matter Where You Are.)

22 Apr 2015
8:23 PM
The end of tiring day.
This morning we Skyped as soon as I woke up. I was torn between going/ not going to internship tomorrow since I'm stressing with uni stuffs (Topic for Major A, remember?).
Anyway after hanging up, you texted me something very encouraging that actually made my day (I don't want to tell you that it made my day though, because if I did, you might do it too often and won't be as powerful because you might know that saying those encouragements will make my day, instead of purely coming from yourself. I want you to be yourself, that's all.)
This is what you wrote:
"You're one of the brightest and hardworking person I know 
so I'm sure you'll figure it out and be fine in the end :)"
I know I will, Ad. Especially when I know I've got supports

Social networks keeping us right!

16 May 2015
5:52 PM 
Cranky me on a Saturday, and two days earlier.
If you don't remember why I was annoyed and cranky this time (You know I get cranky a lot),
it all started with those 2 Snapchats you sent.
Anyways, you reminded me to stop thinking too much.
It made me feel better, of course.
But after that, what came to mind the most was:
the most precious and slap-in-the-face learning from having this relationship is,
in learning how to be not selfish.
And, it's not easy. 

5 July 2015
8:51 AM
2 weeks before meeting you, I'm nervous!
Okay. So, two months ago I made a sudden decision to go home to Jakarta this mid year. So I did.
The most exciting part of it is, I get to see you... in... 2 weeks.
I'm super nervous, but never told you (Don't want to make it even more nervous and awkward).
How is it going to be when we meet? A hug? A hand-shake?
What if you come to my house, and my parents are witnessing our first meet?
I don't know what to do!
I keep imagining it in my head but graaah. Idk. We'll see.
See you!

19 July 2015
5:14 PM
2 hours and you're gonna be at my doorstep.
One word:

5 hours later..
It was a bit awkward at first wasn't it? Especially you didn't know mom was behind me. Though you were about to hug me hi.
 Anyways. So excited for the next week. Gotta make the whole 8 days worthwhile.

Ps. No pictures were taken and that's okay. We're too nervous!

25 July 2015
9:00 PM
It was Saturday, went to your house, and met our highschool friends.
Well. You know how fun it was *wink*
Even though Suits refused to play.

Other photos during the week!
First photo as a couple. Not the best but anyways!

28 July 2015
9:20 PM
First night I'm back in Melbourne. And you're there, as always.
It's pretty funny. You were asking,"You once told me you wanted to write a blog about Long Distance Relationship. But you never did."
Well, it was because LDR wasn't that simple. I'm actually working on it, A. This is it.
I was no expert at all in it, so I'm learning and studying it up in this whole year.

 5 September 2015
7:44 PM
I like you. Like, really.
It's funny how I still get so excited seeing your text!

8 September 2015
1:43 PM
Having a call in between my class, while you're watching US Open.
(BTW. You asked me what I'm typing, and I bluffed "Oh just some notes for uni" "But why notes when you're not even in class?" "You know just tidying some notes up" "For which class?" "Ohh... Hmm I'm actually blogging" Gosh. I'm so bad at lying.")

Damn. Damn. Damn.
I really hate this.
Back to the sh*tty-reality of the long-hour difference.
While I'm on week 7 of uni, with assignment dues now and then.
With me going to sleep when you just woke up.
With you playing golf when I can actually talk.
Really want to talk more often, but no one's to blame.
Everyone's just busy. But it's so annoying. Like, so annoying. Frustrating.
And the worst thing is, I kinda have to keep it to myself as me complaining won't help either.
Just have to get used to it again.

But your tulips you sent help.

I7 November 2015
You're coming!
Yay you're visa is finally granted. I'll see you in less than a month.
Yay yay yay.

11 December 2015
Adrian takes Melbourne.
Been waiting since our last meet! I expected to be awkward (Sorry to keep annoying you with my awkwardness worries), but it turned out to be great!
Had a nice time yesterday with your lovely sisters too.
Till now, I still feel it's so surreal that you're here.
And super excited for you to be there on my graduation and the next 7 days of course :)

18 December 2015
Eight days went way, way, too fast.
I took my diary out, about to make plans for the coming days, as it was pretty much forgotten when you're here (We talked about how ignorant we became when we got the chance to be at the same place, remember?)
But I got so emotional (no more tears, trust me) looking at all the itineraries that I've made weeks ago. Apparently all itineraries have been fulfilled. So funny, so weird, they used to be "plans" only. But now you're fly-- okay. No more sadness.

Thanks for coming, thanks for driving, thanks for all the lovely gestures.
I'll miss you and your sisters, of course!
Not sure when we're going to meet again, let's just cross our fingers.
Oh! And finally that everything is going strong and steady, we decided to change our Facebook status! Hehe

Again. Thanks. Super grateful.

21 December 2015
I am preparing all the photos to be posted tomorrow for this post. So I read whatever I've written in this 1 year worth of memories. I find myself being utterly, super, extremely cheesy. But I decide not to change/ take it down. Because each time I write, it was just poured out directly out of my head... or heart (There you go, another cheesy line, but by now you should know that.. I mean what I say most of the time).

Anyways, with whatever I have written, it was definitely a little part of the whole 365 days journey. There's still so many other significant things happened. Such as.. How annoyed and mad you were when I shopped a little too much. Lol! Or how annoyed you got each time I stubbornly defend myself.

22 December 2015
It was started through Skype, and now we're Skyping.
I cannot thank God enough for us.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for the love.
Thank you for the smart and wise responses.
Thank you for driving safely!
(Thanks for the cheesecake you brought to Melbourne too)

For all couples in LDR out there.
There's actually so much goodness in a long distance relationship.
Not only you get to know each other better, but you get to know yourself too, as you won't be overwhelmed by your partner's presence.
You (and I) can do it.

One more.
 I don't think there's such a thing as breaking up with "Long Distance" being the main reason.
LD looks into your and his (or her) faithfulness.
It also lets you to communicate so much, as that's the only connection you can make to "meet". 

Dear Adrian!
Happy 365th day of us never not saying good night each night.
(Though among those, only 14 nights were when us telling in person)
And I thank you for us.

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7 komentar

  1. Ahhhhhhhh my heart melted.....good job guys!!!! I thought it was a crazy idea that you guys decided to do it but you guys are coooool! Happy anniversary aha jeslina!!!! So happy for you guys. Wishing you all the best. Remember to be yourselves. God bless!!!

    1. Thanks Joey!! I know it was a crazy idea for us two! That's why we never changed our status on FB in the first place! But God bless you too and thanks again!!

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  3. That is so sweet, Jes. I guess it's one hell of an emotional post? It's like a story that you read over a fiction book, but it's not. Love this point of view!

    1. Adeline! Thanks for reading through this. Really appreciate it!! xx Oh Merry Christmas and hope you are well!

  4. jes i'm touched reading these! i'm emotional sooo this post is so sweet to read :) I guess good things do happens to people who waits, and you deserve it so much! All the efforts and struggles will paid off, it takes struggles to build a strong relationship right?

    I'm happy seeing you two, and I hope all the best for you guys. Faith is the key, and yes you have that :) Long last you two, Happy Graduation, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

    All wishes in one comment hahaha, and I hope we can catch up soon!


    1. Dear Echa!

      Thank you very much for reading through this! And yes, it takes struggles to build a strong one, and totally agree with how people should be patient, not too overwhelmed by their own emotions.

      And thanks for all your wishes, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too.

      Hope to speak to you soon!!



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